The Count's World 19: Dangerous Game
by The Great Allie
Summary: Chuck Quizmo guest stars in this exciting episode of The Count's World. In it, he's running a game show for three contestants, but is the show all it appears? Is something far more sinister going on? And, because you know there is, is there something even MORE sinister behind the initial sinister-ness?
1. 19 dash 1

_Interesting bit of trivia. This is the second Count's World episode that was based on/inspired by a dream I had. Also, if you're not already doing it, you might want to follow The Count's Blog (thecountsblog) on Tumblr. It's got Count Bleck-related reblogs as well as texts and Facebook posts from the castle. Okay, that's enough. Let's get down to bweesniss._

* * *

Errand day for Castle Bleck was usually a simple, well-organized affair. Today they were going to Toad Town, which was usually an easy trip. Toad Town had great resources, and it was one of the towns that didn't notice them too much. Sure, creatures besides Toads weren't a common sight, but they had gotten used to the Castle Bleck residents by now. Because of that, the idle weekday morning paid them little to no notice as the few Toads actually out and around at this time went about their business.

"All right. Everybody is going to get an assignment today, instructed Count Bleck. Are you all ready?"

"Ready," said Mimi.

"Ready," said O'Chunks.

"I suppose I'm also ready," said Dimentio.

"Nastasia will give you your assignments," said Count Bleck. "Everyone listen, all right?"

Nastasia cleared her throat. "Ahem. Yeah, so here's what you need to do in town today. O'Chunks, you need to take the following list to Shroom Grocery here and purchase the recorded items. Dimentio, here's _your_ shopping list. You need to go to Harry's Shop at the other side of town to do the rest of the shopping."

"Why are there two shops in town?" Dimentio asked as he took his list and the purse of coins for the purchase.

"One of 'em's fer later in the game when yeh got more money and HP," said O'Chunks.

"Ah. I see."

"Mimi," Nastasia continued, "Your job is to disguise yourself as someone trustworthy and convince the local chef, Tayce T., to give up her procedure for preparing Spicy Soup."

"What? That's a weird assignment. Why?"

"Because," said Count Bleck, "it's different from the Spicy Soup that Saffron makes and Count Bleck wishes to know why."

Mimi flipped her pigtail. "Ugh, fine. I'll see what I can do."

"Meanwhile," said Nastasia, "I will be comparing notes with Russ T. for some information missing from the archives at Castle Bleck as well as picking up our mail from the post office."

"Nassie's doing two jobs? What are you going to be doing, Count Bleck?" asked Mimi.

"Timpani and I will enjoy a refreshing drink and some choice entertainment at Club 64," said Count Bleck. "You will meet us there in one hour after your assignments are completed. You may spend the time between finishing your chore and meeting us at the club however you wish."

"Wait," said Mimi, "we're going to be working while you go on a date with your wife?"

"Yes. It's one of the many perks of being the Count."

"'E's got yeh there," said O'Chunks to Mimi.

"Yeah, I guess he does."

"Very well. Minions, whenever you're ready. You have one hour."

With that, they parted.

O'Chunks went right to the Shroom Grocery, which was in the same plaza as the entrance. It was situated in a building that backed up against a dojo. Dimentio followed him.

"Welcome to Shroom Grocery," said the green-spotted toad working there.

"Oh, I guess you were right," said Dimentio. "Say, O'Chunks-"

"No," said O'Chunks. "You do your own job."

"Of course," said Dimentio. "But if I should happen to, say-"

O'Chunks yanked his list away from Dimentio's creeping hand. "If yeh don't know where the place is, why don't you ask fer directions?"

"Yes. Of course." He turned his head to the toad. "Say, shopkeeper, could you divulge to me the location of one Harry's Shop?"

"Oh, sure," said the toad, "that's what I'm about to do. Tell a weirdo how to get to my competitor. Yeah. I'll get right on that."

They watched him in his following silence.

"I don't think he's going to do it," said Dimentio.

Just then, the wall behind them exploded and a Duplighost came flying backwards. He crashed smack into O'Chunks, who didn't flinch. The Duplighost got up quickly and bowed. "My apologies!" he squawked. "I was just practicing with Chan in the dojo's basement and things got a little out of hand."

"That's the third time this month!" the Toad bellowed. "I am getting really sick of repairing this wall! The Master is going to have to shell out for this, because my insurance won't pay for it again!"

Dimentio started to slink away before he could get involved in whatever this was. O'Chunks grabbed his cape. "Er, if yeh still want to trade..."

"Oh, no," said Dimentio, "You're right. I've been given a job to do by the Count, and I must do it. And so I depart, like a trolley rolling away from its scheduled stop only moments before you arrive." And with that, Dimentio floated out of the room.

It took him about twenty minutes to finally find Harry T.'s shop, after checking out the latest news headlines, scribbling his own addition to the back of the notice board, getting hypnotized by the spinning roof on the nearby house, watching some adorable li'l oinks grazing in a pen, and peeking through Tayce T.'s window to see if she and Mimi were getting along. Mimi spotted him and made subtle _go away cretin_ gestures, so he didn't stick around long enough to blow her cover. When he made it to the store at last, he felt quite pleased with himself for some reason.

"Welcome to Harry's Shop," said Harry T. "What can I get for you today?"

"Yes, hello," said Dimentio aloofly. He pulled the list out of his pocket. "I need the following items in the following quantities: Ten super shrooms, fifteen tasty tonics, seven stone caps, and a dizzy dial. _Please_ ," he added, remembering how much trouble he had with people without it.

"I can get all that for you," said Harry. He began cranking on his adding machine. "That'll be... five hundred coins exactly."

Dimentio pulled out a coin pouch and weighed it with his hand. "Five hundred, exactly," he said, tossing it all to Harry T. "If it's a little heavy, that's a tip from the Count."

Harry T. grinned. "Hey, thanks. I'll get that ready for you." He began bagging the items from his shelves. "So, you from around here?"

"No." Dimentio studied his fingers intently.

"Really? You in town long?"

"Not much longer."

"Interesting." Harry stepped over to the next item on the list. "Where you from?"

"Another dimension." Dimentio was trying very hard to make his irritation obvious without saying anything that would ruin his task.

"Oh, that's interesting." Fortunately, his frostiness was sending the right message to Harry, and he continued bagging in silence. Finally, when two brown bags were full, he handed them to Dimentio. "Well, there's your shopping. Thanks again."

"You are most welcome," replied Dimentio. "And now I depart, like... a trolley rolling away from its scheduled stop only moments before you arrive. I didn't use that one here, right?" He backed out of the shop to the street.

Outside, he took a deep, calming breath. The sky was clear, the sun was warm, and the air was fresh. The kind of day Dimentio used to dream about building for himself.

"Hey. You!"

Dimentio turned around and saw, under a tree next to the shop, a large pink-and-purple worm with an enormous top hat and a yellow bow-tie, grinning at him.

"Hey, you," said Dimentio, unsure of what tone to take. He hoped whatever came out of his mouth was correct.

"Chuck Quizmo's the name, and quizzes are my game! You want quizzes, I got 'em."

"But I don't want them," said Dimentio.

"Well, do you want star pieces?" offered Chuck Quizmo.

Dimentio hesitated. "I _do_ want star pieces," he said.

The worm's grin grew. "Well, boy, do I have star pieces! But I don't just hand 'em out, oh, no! They're prizes for answering my brain-busting questions! What do you say?"

Dimentio rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Well..." he said, "I do have around half an hour left before I need to meet with the Count. Will I be done by then?"

"Oh, of course!" Chuck Quizmo said. "Yeah, no, this won't take long at all! Whaddaya say?"

Dimentio shrugged his shoulders a little. "Oh, very well," he said. "I'll play your little quiz game."

"Fantastic," said Chuck Quizmo. "Now, hold onto my hat."

"Don't you mean, 'hold onto _your_ hats?"

"No," said Chuck Quizmo, "I meant for you to grab onto my hat and hold on."

Dimentio stared at him, as if waiting for the punch line, then shrugged again and touched the brim of Chuck's hat with his fingertips.

Immediately he felt some powerful dimensional force. To the outside world it appeared that they had flattened into the circle of his top hat, then simply phased out of existence. But Dimentio recognized Quizmo's style of travel, as it was similar to the one he himself used to move through worlds. The world around them seemed to bend and distort, before re-shaping itself into something so different Dimentio had to take a minute to get his bearings.

They reappeared on an enormous, blue-toned soundstage with bright lights shining down from all angles. There was a huge, white circle painted in the center of the stage, with three red podiums planted down the diameter. Each podium had a blue screen on the front, and a microphone and red button on the top. Behind the podiums was a big screen, which showed the view from whichever of multiple cameras were currently filming, two for each contestant and several others around the stage. There was a stand for the quizmaster to officiate from, which Chuck Quizmo inched his way over to. Facing the podium were rows of bleachers, all empty. There seemed to be no entrance or exit to this room, aside from Chuck's own.

Dimentio squinted under the stage lights and was surprised to see that podiums two and three were already occupied by none other than Count Bleck and Tippi! "Oh. Fancy seeing you here, Count," said Dimentio, shielding his eyes.

"I know, isn't it odd?" Count Bleck said, grinning as usual. "My wife and I were having a disagreement while we were in the club-"

"It was a fight, Blumiere," said Tippi. "We were having a fight."

"About whether or not I already knew as much trivia as she did about the surrounding world," Count Bleck continued.

"And I said that, as an information pixl, I already knew almost everything- including things I didn't realize I knew until we were facing it."

"And I said that wasn't exactly true."

"Can we please not have this fight again?" said Tippi. "We already decided to let Chuck Quizmo settle it!"

"Of course, my dear," said Count Bleck, without a trace of sarcasm or irony. He seemed to be thoroughly enjoying this.

"Hm," said Dimentio. "It seems like this might have been the more interesting story to have been following."

"Not really," said Tippi. "It was a surprisingly dull fight."

"Ahem," said Chuck Quizmo. "Are you ready to begin? Take your places!"

Dimentio got behind the empty podium. As he moved, several Lakitu clouds lowered down from the ceiling, each one with a camera on top, but no Lakitu to speak of, catching all the angles of the stage. One of them had a red light blink on. Immediately after, Chuck Quizmo began: "Kaaaa-wiz! It's everybody's favorite quizmaster, Chuck Quizmo! Here on our brand new game show, Right Answer or Die!"

"That's a... pretty grim name," said Tippi, but her microphone wasn't on.

"I'm here with our three contestants who are ready to win some star pieces! Let's meet them now. Contestant one, care to tell us a little about yourself?"

A lakitu with a camera zoomed right up to Dimentio's face, red light on.

"Er... that is... my name is Dimentio. Master of dimensions," he added lamely.

"And where are you from, Dimentio?"

"That's really none of your business," he said curtly.

"Oh, I'm sure it's not, I'm sure it's not," said Chuck Quizmo. "What are your hobbies? Your job? Your hopes? Your dreams?"

"To- um- well, to be perfectly honest, I don't actually have any of those at the moment. I'm a bit blasé lately.

"Well, you'll find your way, I'm sure of it. Hats off to you, friend," said Chuck, tipping his hat. "Not really. It keeps my brain warm. And all those trivia questions fresh! Okay! Contestant number two! Tell us about yourself!"

The camera drone went away from Dimentio, who let out a relieved breath. Count Bleck gave the camera a polite and dignified wave before he himself bowed. "Hello, television viewers. My name is Count Bleck. I am married, no children- or, rather, four non-biological children- and my current occupation is making the world a better place."

"Such a noble goal," said Chuck Quizmo. "I look forward to living in that world."

"It's the Count's world," said Count Bleck.

"Aaahhh, he said it! And lastly, contestant number three, tell us about yourself."

"I'm the wife," said Tippi. "My name is Timpani, but most people call me Tippi. I'm a human who was transformed into a pixl, and I know pretty much everything about anything."

"Big words," said Chuck Quizmo. "Let's see if you can back them up. Ready to start? Round one! Ten questions. Hit the buzzer if you know the answer. Any questions?"

The contestants looked at each other, but there were none.

"All right. Ready? Begin! Question one: How many Star Spirits live in Star Haven?"

Everybody slammed down on the buzzer, but Tippi was fastest. "Seven!" she said proudly.

A big white circle appeared on her podium. "Correct!" said Chuck Quizmo. "Question two... where does the famous explorer Kolorado live when he isn't on adventures?"

Again, everyone hit the buttons, but this time Count Bleck was fastest. "Koopa Village, and if we both know the answers, isn't this really a test of speed as well as knowledge? It might not settle our argument for keeps."

"Your comment will be taken into consideration for future game shows," said Chuck Quizmo. "Question Three! What is my name?"

Count Bleck was fastest on the buzzer this time. "... Count Bleck has already forgotten," he admitted sheepishly.

"Very well, understandable. Contestant Number One, I believe you were next."

Dimentio cleared his throat, leaned into the microphone, and said tentatively, "Chuck Quizmo."

"Keeee-rect! Glad I left an impression on _someone._ All right, question four. Before opening the Thousand Year Door, where was the Diamond Star hidden?"

Tippi was the only one to hit the buzzer, fluttering up and letting her whole weight drop on it, she was so light. "In the belly of Hooktail the dragon!" she crowed.

"Yes! Oh boy, we're on a roll now! Alright, next question... what question is this?"

There was a hesitation.

"Is that the question?" asked Count Bleck.

"Yes," said Chuck Quizmo.

Dimentio hit the buzzer. "Question five," he said, as he had been meticulously counting this so that he would know how soon he could leave.

"Hope I'm not boring you," Chuck Quizmo laughed. "Actually, I think this whole ordeal might be a little dry. What say we make it more interesting?"

"I'm game," said Tippi.

"Me, too," said Count Bleck.

"Everybody who's in favor of spicing up the quiz show a little more, go ahead and press your buzzer within the next five seconds." Chuck tapped his cards on the podium and gave them a flashy grin.

Dimentio, Count Bleck, and Tippi all pressed their buzzers. One big O appeared on the big screen behind them.

"Heh heh heh... all right," said Chuck, his voice taking on a sinister tone. "Just remember, though... you asked for this."


	2. 19 dash 2

The ground opened up in a big circle beneath them, leaving only a small patch of floor around their podiums for them to stand on. Each platform slowly rose up until they were halfway between the ground and the high studio ceiling. The non-floating cameras were left behind as the show became entirely dependant on the floating lakitu clouds for broadcast. Below them, where the stage had opened up, was a giant pool of water which rippled ominously.

"What's this?" asked Count Bleck suspiciously.

"Well, see, now the rules have changed a little bit," said Chuck Quizmo. "Every time you guys get a question right, you'll go up a notch. Every time you get it wrong, you go down. The objective is to stay dry."

"That's... moderately interesting," said Dimentio.

"Oh, it is. Question six: What treasure is hidden in Star Haven?"

Count Bleck hit his buzzer. "The Star Rod." This time, in addition to the big O, his platform rose one notch, approximately thirty centimeters.

"Question seven: What does a Red Essence do?"

Dimentio buzzed and called out, "Increases your speed."

Immediately, his platform fell by the same amount Count Bleck's had risen. "Oh, I'm so sorry," said Chuck Quizmo. "That is incorrect. Anyone else want to try?"

Tippi was the only other one to answer. "It grants invincibility for a short amount of time."

"That's right!" Her platform rose to be equal with Count Bleck's. Dimentio, now two notches lower, pouted.

"Question eight!" Chuck Quizmo tapped his notecards.

Dimentio saw a flash of white movement and looked down at the water. There was a fresh ripple expanding from below him, but nothing was there now.

Apparently Count Bleck had answered the question correctly, because his platform went up. Dimentio tore his eyes away from the water and got his head back into the game.

"Question nine: What are the ingredients in Lemon Candy?"

Dimentio hit the buzzer: "Lemon and... Super Soda."

"Ooooh, I'm sorry, nope," said Chuck. Again, Dimentio's platform dropped.

A Jean de Fillet jumped out of the water and plopped back in with a splash. "What was that?" asked Count Bleck, catching the tail end of it.

"Don't worry about that," said Chuck Quizmo. "Question ten: Where does the Trumpet Plant grow?"

"It was a Jean de Fillet," said Tippi to Count Bleck, "similar to the Fish Bones, related to Cheep Cheeps."

"Interesting trivia, but unrelated," said Chuck. Tippi's platform dropped.

"What else is down there?" asked Dimentio, glaring suspiciously.

"Where does the Trumpet Plant grow?" Chuck Quizmo matched his glare.

"Jade Island," said Dimentio. "What else is down there?"

"Just some other fish," said Chuck. "Nothing for you to worry about. Fish live in water. It's no big deal."

Dimentio didn't take his eyes off Chuck as his platform jumped up a notch.

"Question eleven: What is King Wart's real name?"

"Wait, wait, wait!" Tippi interjected. "You said round one was only ten questions long!"

"There's been a slight change in programming. More dead air to fill, you know? So we're carrying over a few questions from the next round while the producers shuffle things around a little more."

Dimentio tapped his podium impatiently. "So what you're saying is, this is going to take far longer than twenty minutes."

"That's how it works in show biz sometimes. You got a schedule, you got time to fill, sometimes things change. Anyway, I believe I just asked a question. For people who are in a big hurry to get out of here, you sure aren't doing your best to get out of here by the most direct route."

Dimentio hit his buzzer, narrowed his eyes suspiciously at Chuck, and said, "Dr. Topper." His platform went down right away."

"You knew that one," whispered Count Bleck.

"It's Mamu," Tippi answered at the same time.

Dimentio nodded to Count Bleck. He dropped back down another notch. Once he was lower, he peered over the edge. As he did, Boss Bass jumped out of the water, grazing the bottom of his platform. "Just what is going on here?!" he demanded.

"I told you I was going to make it interesting," said Chuck. "Isn't adding a ravenous fish or two... or twenty... interesting enough for you?"

"A bit too interesting, if you ask me," said Count Bleck. "Count Bleck refuses to take part in this."

"Ooooh, sorry, that was the wrong answer," said Chuck. "I'm afraid you're locked in for the duration." Chuck mashed a button on his own stand. Immediately, a set of bars burst out of each of the platforms and a lid dropped down on top of them, forming a cage around each of the contestants.

"Bleh heh heh heh... you picked the wrong contestants if you wanted to trap us in a little cage. Master of Dimensions, show him what Count Bleck means."

Dimentio clicked his fingers. Nothing happened.

"Bzzt! Wrong. Sorry, but I know all about you. And you know I know how your magic works. You saw how we all got here. Did you really think I wouldn't take that into account?"

"He's right," said Dimentio.

"You fiend!" Tippi shouted. "How could you?!"

"It's just showbiz, friends," said Chuck. "And now it's time for the next innnn-teresting twist. Let's bring out last week's big winner! Give it up, everyone, for our returning champion..."

Another cage descended from the rafters at nearly freefall speed, slowing and stopping when it was level with everyone else. Inside the cage, huddled in a corner with his hat over his eyes, was...

"Luuuuuuigiiiiii!"

"Mr. L?"

"Luigi?"

"What is the meaning of this?! Demanded Count Bleck!"

"Here's where it gets good," said Chuck Quizmo. "Every single time you get an answer right, you still move up. BUT! Now, last week's champ, here, moves _down_. So either way, someone's getting eaten."

"You're a monster!" Tippi's outburst was even stronger than before.

"That may be, but at least I'm a boss monster. I've got great stats, check out my trading card." He turned to one of the cameras. "Well, that's it for round one! We'll be right back after this short break! Stay tuned for these messages from out sponsors!" Chuck kept on grinning until the red light on top of the camera in front of him went out, and then his face fell. He slid off his platform and crawled away to a small backstage area, where from the cages they could barely see a coffee machine.

"Luigi," said Tippi gently, "how have you been?"

Luigi looked out from under his hat. "Awful," he said. "I was in town buying badges for me and my bro's next big adventure, when I met up with that worm... thing. Mario used to talk about him, how he won a whole lot of star pieces playing his game and how he and his assistant were just so nice and friendly, so I figured why not? I know a guy who collects star pieces. But the game was awful! I'd never been so frightened!"

"What happened to the other contestants?"

"There weren't any," said Luigi. "It was just me, trying to get the right answers. When I got to the top I thought it was over and I'd be free, but instead he just threw the cage backstage and told me to hold tight until the next episode."

"Have you really been here for a week?"

"No, only a couple of hours. He said something about taping in advance before tossing me aside. He's crazy. Absolutely out of his mind."

It fell quiet between them. The only sound coming from the stage was the occasional splash of fish in the water below. But because of that, just offstage, they could hear Chuck Quizmo talking softly.

"Uh-huh... just taping up the last episode. I promise. It'll be a nightmare. Gotta go. We're back on in 5... well, no, I mean, it's not live but we're still on a schedule. Yeah. That's how it works. And she's okay, right? ... Because you promised! Okay... yeah, I get it. Bye."

Chuck Quizmo slithered back and hopped on his stand. "You guys ready to go?"

"Count Bleck demands to know what happens to the winner. Is he or she just going to stay locked up until the next show where you toss them out to die?"

"Oh, no, no, no," said Chuck Quizmo. "This is just a very special episode. I assure you, whoever wins will be free to go."

"Prove it."

Chuck Quizmo sighed. Then he reached into his podium and pulled out a giant key. "Okay, see this? This is the key to your cages."

"Prove it."

"Jeeze, you're not very trusting." He tapped the key on the podium. "See? Bump, notch, notch, bump, notch, bump. Feel your locks."

"I can't very well-"

Tippi peered into the lock. "He's not lying."

Count Bleck turned to her, bewildered "How can you-?"

"Information pixl."

Count Bleck stared, agape, and then said, "Very well. I concede. You most certainly are more knowledgeable than I am."

"Thank you, but we're not through this yet."

"You get that key, you can open all the cages," said Chuck Quizmo. He took the key in his worm tail, pulled back, and hurled it straight up. It landed on the catwalk. "Except, of course, for the poor cage that fell into the water. That one's getting eaten."

Luigi went pale and curled up even tighter.

"What are we going to do?" whispered Tippi.

"Don't worry," said Count Bleck. "Just play the game. Get to the key. Count Bleck will not let anything happen to you."


	3. 19 dash 3

The game continued mercilessly.

"Question fourteen: how many legs does a wiggler have?"

Count Bleck hit the buzzer. "Eight!" The answer was wrong, and Count Bleck dropped.

"That was an easy one," said Dimentio.

"Count Bleck panicked."

"Question twelve: Where is the land of Subcon?" Chuck was no longer letting anyone else pick up the slack.

"The collective unconscious of the citizens of all worlds," said Dimentio, which was true enough. As Dimentio moved up, Luigi moved down. He whimpered pitifully.

"Question thirteen: What is the 'Dream Machine'?"

Tippi hit the buzzer. She hesitated.

"Yes?" Chuck urged.

"I... I can't..." She sniffed. Her whole body was trembling. In the cage next to her, Count Bleck reached out a gloved hand, and though he was too far away to touch her, he still somehow made contact.

Meanwhile, Chuck Quizmo laughed. "Oooh, love and loyalty, huh? I know _all_ about that. Still, rules is rules." She dropped down, but was no longer trembling.

"Question fourteen: Goomba, lava bubble, buzzy beetle, boo. How many feet do they have between them?"

Count Bleck hit the buzzer. "Eight!"

"Uh... wrong again."

"What is it with you and guessing eight feet all of a sudden?" asked Tippi.

"Well, that's how many feet my current minions have," said Count Bleck as his cage descended. He turned to Dimentio. "Not that you ever use them."

"Walking is for those who know not the joy of floating," replied Dimentio haughtily.

"Good man."

"Question fifteen: Why did King Wart tamper with the Dream Machine?"

"Why are all the questions about King Wart?" asked Dimentio.

"Just answer them, smart guy."

"He wanted to create nightmares instead of good dreams."

"Question sixteen: what could he do with the nightmares?"

"Use them to round out his numbers for a baseball team." Count Bleck was fastest. He dropped.

"Seventeen: who was the cohost on this show until recently?"

"Ness T." Again, Count Bleck was fastest, but wrong.

"Eighteen: To get to King Wart's castle, you have to follow statues that look like... what?"

"Snifits, of course."

Count Bleck's cage dropped again. Boss Bass jumped up out of the water as best he could and snapped his mouth open and shut a few times before disappearing again in an ominous ripple.

"Nineteen: How does one travel to the land of Subcon?"

"Well, personally, I can just warp there whenever I want."

That counted as a wrong hour, and Count Bleck dropped dangerously close to the water's surface.

Dimentio could see what Count Bleck was doing. It was the same thing he was doing when he wanted to get a little closer to the water to see what was down there. But now that he knew, he couldn't imagine doing it on purpose. Did Count Bleck have a plan? He had to have... surely he couldn't be dropping into the water to spare someone who wasn't even his minion anymore. Count Bleck was far too important.

Chuck seemed to also see what Count Bleck was doing. He immediately asked a much simpler question: "Twenty: what do you get when you mix a Jammin' Jelly and an Ultra Shroom?"

"A Jammin' Shroom, of course," replied Count Bleck

Chuck narrowed his eyes. "Just what are you trying to prove?"

"Nothing," said Count Bleck. "Ask your next question."

Chuck looked at his notecards. "Okay. If you answer this one wrong, you drop the rest of the way. if you get it right, you have a chance to bring yourself back up to safety. Everyone at home is watching us on the edges of their seats... Question twenty-one: What is the name of the Princess of the Mushroom Kingdom?"

"Toadstool." Count Bleck fixed his stony gaze on Chuck. It was a dare, they all saw it.

"... Wrong."

The platform lowered one last notch. Then it dropped out down into the water and began to sink.

"Blumiere!" shrieked Tippi.

"Mr. L!" Count Bleck pressed himself to the top of the sinking cage. "Get the key! Dimentio! _Get him!_ " Count Bleck pointed with his cane but Dimentio didn't need the visual guidance.

Luigi reached onto the catwalk and grabbed the key where Chuck Quizmo threw it. He stuffed it into the cage and it popped right open. Without thinking about the height, he jumped down and landed on Dimentio's cage. Dimentio grabbed the key from him and opened the cage himself Leaving the key in the lock, Dimentio took off after Chuck.

Chuck Quizmo tried to escape into his hat, but Dimentio tackled him. They went sprawling, Chuck's hat flying off his head. Dimentio tumbled a few times and skidded away on the floor, his momentum too much for a graceful takedown. Chuck Quizmo began inching away as fast as possible. Dimentio pulled himself to his feet and lunged at the worm, grabbing him just below his head, at what would be his neck if it weren't just as narrow as the rest of him.

Luigi, meanwhile, jumped to Tippi's cage and let her go. "Please!" she shouted. "Save Blumiere!"

He looked down at the lake below, suddenly realizing again how high up they were.

A bright purple void exploded from the water, sucking it into the abyss along with the monster fish. Count Bleck was in the cage on the bottom, holding his hands out. As soon as there was no danger of him being eaten or drowned, he dissipated the void and flopped back against the bars, panting.

Dimentio, still squeezing Chuck Quizmo's neck with one hand, held up a dazzling ball of purple and yellow light with the other. "You have twelve seconds to convince me I should _not_ end your game, and I implore you, make it good."

"Please!" Chuck Quizmo choked. "You have to-"

Dimentio squeezed. "Oh, how trite. Begging will not sway me, you'll have to try much harder."

"You don't understand!" His voice was still strangled, and Dimentio eased back a fraction so that the worm wouldn't choke to death before he had a chance to say his piece.

"Oh, really? Explain it to me, then, with the moments you have left."

" _He's got Vanna!_ "

Dimentio blinked. In his surprise, he momentarily lost focus and the dazzling ball disappeared.

Meanwhile, Luigi began helping Count Bleck out of his cage and the empty pit. "Thank you, Mr... Luigi, Count Bleck corrected himself."

"You can still call me Mr. L if you want to," said Luigi. "I mean, I still call you Count Bleck. Are you okay?"

"Completely and totally," said Count Bleck. "Just very wet."

Back up on land, Dimentio regained his focus. "Vanna?" Dimentio lowered his arm. "You've piqued my interest. Continue."

Chuck grunted. "Let go of my throat. Please. You know I can't escape."

Dimentio released Chuck, who collapsed into a little wormy pile on the ground. He panted for a few moments.

Tippi flew right into her husband's arms, sobbing with relief. "Oh, Blumiere, you scared me!"

"I'm sorry," he said, "I wish I could have said something, but I couldn't have him-"

"I know, I know, but you _scared me_ ," she continued. "Don't ever do that again."

"You know I can't promise that I'll never have to keep you in the dark in order to trick a mad game show host and save us all."

"I know, I know..."

Count Bleck kissed his wife. "But you know I love you."

"I know. I love you, too."

"Hey, guys," Luigi interrupted. "I think you should hear this."

Count Bleck looked at Luigi, who was pointing, and then to what he indicated, Dimentio and Chuck Quizmo.

"Vanna T.," said Chuck, looking up at Dimentio with sad, pleading eyes. "She's more than just my cohostess. She's my closest, dearest friend and _he took her from me!_ "

"Who did?"

"King Wart," said Chuck. "I was trying to tell you... but he knows, he's watching. Not just the tapes. He has footage streaming right to his TV in his castle in Subcon. I couldn't say anything, he would hurt her if I did. Maybe even _game over_. But if they were just questions, it would be a good ego stroke and nothing more, as far as he knew."

"Why in the worlds would King Wart kidnap a game show hostess?"

"Because he's mad at us," replied Chuck Quizmo. "He's always wanted to make nightmares out of good dreams and have them do his bidding. But ever since my show got moved to a late time slot, he's been losing a lot of good time. So he came to my place with an ultimatum. Either I would make my show so horrifying that he wouldn't _need_ to make nightmares, or make else I should make it so no one would ever watch it again. And... well, he took her and said if I didn't do either of those, he would make her pay.

"Please, I know that doesn't justify what I've done. But I beg you, do whatever you must with me- lock me up or end my game or- or- but please, just don't let him hurt her. Please." Chuck pointed at the cameras. "He's watching. He knows I've told you, he's watching me through every camera in the studio, and I don't know what he's going to do now. He said if I told anyone-"

Count Bleck put a finger to Chuck's mouth. "That's enough. He turned to Dimentio "Lock him in the cage. We'll come back for him."

"You don't honestly believe him, do you, Count?"

"I don't _not_ believe him," replied Count Bleck. "It's at least worth checking out, don't you think?"

"I'll stay here and guard him," offered Luigi.

"Thank you," said Count Bleck. "Dimentio, let's pay a quick visit to Subcon."


	4. 19 dash 4

King Wart's castle was not what it once was.

It had been _many_ years since his failed attempt to use the dream machine to create an army of nightmares and, even though he hadn't been defeated for good, he never really seemed to have gotten back up on his feet. King Wart wasn't a "threat" so much as he was a "person who still existed."

Still, he did have a castle, and that castle did still have some monsters living there who it could be assumed still did King Wart's bidding. However, whether because they hadn't seen any real action in ages or were just very weak overall, they weren't a problem. Dimentio could easily send little enemies like this to Dimension D without even pausing his movement. Count Bleck moved to his left, a bit behind him, watching their progress in silence.

"You don't really believe King Wart stole his cohostess, do you, Count?" Dimentio asked after they had been in the castle for a short while.

"I do," replied Count Bleck. "Snifit."

"I see him." Dimentio wrapped a box around the snifit and sent it away. "King Wart hasn't done anything in _years_. Why would he just kidnap a game show hostess out of nowhere? It doesn't make any sense."

"Why would a game show host suddenly turn evil and broadcast his crimes all over the Mushroom Kingdom?"

"Hm." Dimentio gave a moment of serious thought.

"I can't help it," said Count Bleck. "I'm not naive. I'm not going to let my emotions blind me to villainy-" Dimentio coughed but said nothing- "but it's always complicated. Sometimes good people do bad things for strange reasons, and it is the job of Count Bleck to untangle those knots."

"That's the interesting thing about you," said Dimentio. "You always have to see the best in everyone."

"I have to," replied Count Bleck.

"I, meanwhile, am perfectly content in seeing the worst in everyone."

"Including yourself." Count Bleck glanced back at Dimentio.

"I could say the same about you."

"So we both see the world through the warped lense of our own perception," said Count Bleck. "What else is new? So does everyone."

They turned a corner down the hallway. They could see clear down, and it was empty. "Chuck Quizmo said that Wart was watching them. If that was the case, wouldn't he have sent something better to stop us?"

"Maybe he doesn't have anything better," said Count Bleck. "If he had a 'welcoming committee' that was fit to take us down, he would have enough manpower to do something better than blackmail a TV show, wouldn't he?"

They came to the end of the corridor, where a large stone bird mouth was fixed to the wall. Hanging on the beak was a sign that said BACK IN 5, with a crystal globe on the ground next to it. Count Bleck picked up the globe and put it in the bird's mouth, which proceeded to open wide enough to allow entry. "After you," said Count Bleck, holding out his caped arm.

Dimentio ducked his head down and floated through, with Count Bleck behind him.

Inside they were in the throne room of the large frog king, Wart himself. King Wart was sitting on his throne in front of a TV that currently showed a test pattern. In front of him was what looked like a control panel hooked up to the TV, and Wart was fiddling with it, glaring intensely at his work. He glanced up, saw them come in, and jumped up off his throne, knocking the sensitive equipment down without noticing. "What? How did you get here? Where's Mouser?"

"Powdering his nose, I assume," said Count Bleck. "We're here following up a report about you holding a certain hostage?"

"Well, come back later. I'm busy watching TV."

"That wouldn't happen to be a broadcast from a television studio that you're blackmailing, would it?"

King Wart froze for a split second before laughing. "What? That's preposterous! Why on earth would I bother kidnapping that girlfriend of his? I have better things to do with my time!"

"Okay, that cinches it," said Count Bleck. "Where's Vanna?"

"You're making a big mistake challenging me!" King Wart warned.

"I disagree." Dimentio warmed up a dazzle ball. "I will strike fiercely, like a unionized worker with legitimate grievances!"

"Wait!" King Wart held up his hands. "If you kill me you'll never know where I'm keeping her!"

"In your dungeon, which Count Bleck assumes is below ground," said Count Bleck.

"If we're wrong, we'll warp to the Underwhere and interrogate your spirit," added Dimentio.

"Okay, okay, okay!" King Wart turned around. "You asked for this..."

Count Bleck and Dimentio glanced at each other.

King Wart turned around and belched an enormous bubble at them. It zoomed across the room directly to its target, who proceeded to pop it with the south end of his cane.

"Why did you think a big bubble would stop us?" asked Dimentio.

"Well, it worked on Mario!"

"Did it? Asked Count Bleck. Did it really?"

"... Actually, no." King Wart hung his head.

"Now take us to Vanna T., and we'll consider releasing all of your guards and the assorted monsters we encountered on our way here."

"What? Oh, come on!"

Dimentio lifted his dazzle ball over his head. "You have five seconds to comply."

"All right, all right!" King Wart turned around and put his froggy hands on the back of his head. "I'm complying! I'll take you to the dungeon! Geeze, can't a guy threaten one game show without a bunch of hero types jumping down his throat?"

Count Bleck jabbed Wart's back with his cane. "Mush."

King Wart led Count Bleck and Dimentio to the stairway that took them down to the dungeon. Inside a dank cell, sitting on a wooden slab chained to the wall, was a grimy Toad woman, hunched together with her face hidden.

"Miss Vanna T.?" Count Bleck asked gently.

Vanna looked up, eyes wide. She glanced between Wart, Dimentio, and Bleck.

"It's all right," he continued, as soothingly as he could. "We're here to rescue you."

Vanna wiped her eyes. "Is Chuck okay?" she asked.

"He was when we left," said Dimentio.

"Open the cell," said Count Bleck to King Wart.

"Uh, I don't have the key on me..."

"Ugh." Count Bleck tapped the padlock. "Dimentio, would you?"

Dimentio obliged, and sent the lock to Dimension D. Without it, the cell door swing open.

Count Bleck opened one arm wide and beckoned her with his other hand. "Come here; we'll take you back to the studio immediately."

Vanna pushed her hair out of her eyes and ran to the Count. He wrapped her in his cape as she buried her face in his waistcoat.

"Get in." Dimentio pointed to the cell.

"What?" King Wart asked.

"Get in."

"Oh, come on, you've got what you came for."

Dimentio summoned up another dazzle ball. "Get. In."

"Okay, okay, I'm getting in, I'm getting in!" King Wart, with his hands still behind his head, stepped into the now vacant cell. "See? I got in. Are you happy now?"

"Yes." Dimentio clicked his fingers and warped King Wart to Dimension D.

"Dimentio!"

"What?" Dimentio held out his palms. "I'll send them all back once they've had time to think about what they've done."

"That's more than fair," said Count Bleck. Then, to Vanna: "Hold on tight, dear. We're taking you straight back to the studio."

Vanna nodded and clutched Count Bleck's waistcoat. A moment later, and Count Bleck, Dimentio, and Vanna were all back in Chuck Quizmo's studio, and it was exactly as they'd left it.

"Well?" Chuck Quizmo leaned forward, and Luigi immediately stepped up.

Count Bleck released Vanna. She ran straight to Chuck and wrapped her arms around him. Chuck Quizmo wrapped his worm tail around her. They stayed in that embrace for a long time, no one speaking, just relishing the moment.

Chuck reached the tip of his tail up and wiped under his glasses. "I thought I'd never see you again," he whispered.

"I thought I'd never see _you_ again," she replied.

"I'm glad you're safe," said Chuck, letting go of her at last. "But I know we can't go back to how it was. I'm sorry. When you were gone, I... well, I had to do some things I'm not entirely proud of."

"No, he didn't," said Luigi.

Everyone turned to see Luigi and Dimentio, standing side by side. Luigi was holding up a cassette tape. Dimentio reached over and yanked the film out as Luigi cracked it in half. "It wasn't going to air until later, right?" asked Luigi.

"Uh... no. But you can't let me get away with this. It was horrible, what I did. I knew I wasn't going to get away with it. I knew I was going to prison when I did it."

"It was horrible," said Count Bleck. "And you _should_ be punished by the ones you wronged. I want you to write a 100,000 word essay on why what you did was nearly inexcusable, and the proper way to alert heroes when you're in trouble. It had better be well-researched. I'm sending Nastasia here in a week to pick it up."

"You're serious," said Chuck, somewhat bemused but mostly numb with surprise.

"And if you do it again, _then_ there will be no mercy."

"We should go," said Tippi. "I'm sure you two want to spend time alone."

"Do you need a lift back to Toad Town?" asked Count Bleck to Luigi.

"No," said Luigi. "I have my own way back. Thanks, though."

"I bid you good day," said Count Bleck to Chuck and Vanna. "I look forward to seeing your show when it does air."

Count Bleck, Dimentio, and Tippi warped again, and this time were back at Club 64.

"There you are!" Nastasia jumped up from her chair at the table where she, O'Chunks, and Mimi were waiting.

"Ohmygosh, where have you been?" Mimi bounced in her seat excitedly.

"It's quite the story," said Count Bleck. "I'll tell you all about it when we make a write-up of what we learned in the Beige Prognosticus..."

* * *

 _Chuck definitely screwed up the numbering. He was trying to think of a way to tell them, and he lost his place. In the original dream, there was no twist. He was evil and Count Bleck died trying to stop him. But that just wasn't a Count's World story._

 _See y'all next time!_


End file.
